Someone once said to me, “lovers will come and go but good friends are here to stay”. Throughout my life, I found this to be true. However, what I also found was that the best friendships were ended over misunderstandings and/or hurt feelings allowing too much time to past, creating a gaping hole filled with guilt, pride, blame and misperceptions.
The will to work through disagreements with friends is unlike other relationships i.e. marriage, children, or even family because there's no contract or blood that binds you. However, there is a turning point in one’s life when the value of past and new friendships take on a whole new meaning. When the need and desire for quality relationships is based on how we see our future and how we want to be fulfilled, inspired and encouraged. With this in mind, I decided to reach out to a friend whom I had not spoken to in years. Not sure of the response, I invited them out to breakfast and to my delight they agreed.
In the past, my friend and I had spent our time together planning our future endeavors at cafes, restaurants, conferences and libraries, just to name a few places. So in preparation for this meeting, I searched for a location where we could enjoy a good meal and good conversation. The Turning Point in Blue Bell, PA is where we would spend 5 hours eating, talking, planning and affirming the reciprocity of our relationship, yes the helpful exchange of back and forth for one another’s benefit. After setting some clear goals for our future endeavors, we departed with respect for what we offer each other. A “turning point” a “renewed beginning” in our relationship, reconciliation.
Although it is important to address the “elephant in the room”, the thing that caused the interruption in the relationship. What is equally important is that we learn how to address our disagreements going forward, how to say what’s on our mind with the understanding that at the end of the day what is most important is how the relationship will evolve and grow towards a future of unconditional friendship.
After writing this, I encountered several others who were at cross-roads in their friendships:
● One person admitted to never having a true friend who they could trust to share their deepest innermost feelings without being judged.
● Another one had just recently experienced a rift in a long-standing friendship with no reconciliation in sight.
I implore you to consider three things as you evaluate disillusioned relationships in your life.
1. What was the turning point in your relationship, defined as: “a time at which a decisive change in a situation occurs”?
2. Is there an opportunity for renewed beginnings, defined as: “after an interruption, to begin or take up again”?
3. How can reconciliation take place, defined as: “the restoration of friendly relationships”?
Often, an interruption in a relationship allows for growth, a better understanding and appreciation of our differences. It has been said that, time will either verify or nullify; therefore, allow your relationships the time and space needed for healing but leave the door open for new beginnings.
Proverbs 18:24, The man of too many friends [chosen indiscriminately] will be broken in pieces and come to ruin, but there is a [true, loving] friend who [is reliable and] sticks closer than a brother.
Charletha C. Porter, Coaching with Charley
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